The hardest thing in the world is to watch one of your children go through a really painful experience and not be able to do anything about it – they have to get through it themselves.
I’m going through that right now with Ryx. He is having a tough time. My prayers are not being answered – at least, they are only being answered with “not yet”.
This hurts. It really, really hurts. He’s in pain, and I’m in pain watching him go through this. But I can’t do anything – he has to get through it himself – this is how it is.
It occurred to me as I was wondering why we have to go through this, that this may be a glimpse into how my Father in heaven felt when Jesus was crucified. The anger and frustration toward the perpetrators, the anguish for his child, the feeling of utter devastation with each crack of the whip, with each nail... Maybe I am learning just a little bit more of God’s love for me, that he would allow his son to go through that pain... for my sake. Who would do that? I would not want to put Ryx through this for anything in the world. And yet, what my son is going through right now is just a hiccup compared to God’s own son Jesus being murdered on the cross.
So what am I to learn from this? Simply this, that God loves me and he loves Ryx. Something wonderful is going to come out of this, although I don’t know when. God’s promise to me many years ago was “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”
And I claim it, in Jesus’ name. Oh Lord, please let it be soon because this is so hard.
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